i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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