PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
