who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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