So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
