we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
