maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
