she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
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if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
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His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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