so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
