So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
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