i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
