Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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