i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
