i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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