he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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