i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
