The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
