Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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