I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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