i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
