I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
