You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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