I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
