Me too!
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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