Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
