So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
