Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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