this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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