I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
