I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
