I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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