he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
