I hate your face
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Randomize
