Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
