She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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