I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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