he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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