dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
