you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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