Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
