morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize