i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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