I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
