What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
