Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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