Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
