it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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