He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
