the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Randomize
