Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
