So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize