I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Randomize
