fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
