i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
