Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
