I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
