brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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