So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
