but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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