we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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