I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
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