i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
