We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
