Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
