Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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