Kiss
Puke
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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