Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
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