Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
