hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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